Through My Hands
by Nature's Girl
Summary: Sequel to Through My Fingers. “Silvio.”  The look in her eyes frightened me.  Swarming in those beautiful depths was the thing I had hid from my whole life.  “We can have a new life.  A better life.  Silvio's pov.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Sopranos characters.

Summary: (Sequel to Through My Fingers) "Silvio." The look in her eyes frightened me. Swarming in those beautiful depths was the thing I had hid from my whole life. "We can go far away, far away from everything," she whispered. "We can have a new life. A better life."

I recomment you read "Through My Fingers" before reading this one. This is the same story as "Through My Fingers," but it is from Silvio's point of view, not Meadow's. I thought it would be harder to write from a man's point of view, but I was wrong. Not only was it easier, but it was a lot more fun. This story ended up being twice as long, and in my opinion, a better story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have loved writing it. It will be seven chapters long.

* * *

My mind buzzed, and the Sopranos' kitchen became a dizzying blur of swirling colors. "Sil," I heard in the distance, but I couldn't clear the foggy haze that surrounded my brain. Teach her? Guitar? 

"What do you say?" Suddenly a violent force took a hold on my feet and yanked me back to earth, making my head throb painfully. When my blurred vision cleared, I stared into the intense face of Tony Soprano. My eyes met his large, enthusiastic ones.

How could I say no? I really had no valid excuse to refuse. And besides, was it really worth it to bear the brunt of his unstable, violent temper? I mean, he could be unreasonable at times, but when it came to his daughter, he was a landmine waiting to explode.

"Sure, Ton," I shrugged.

"Great!" he grinned, and extended his arms. He grabbed me and held me in a firm hug, which I returned with equal enthusiasm. It wasn't as if I had a choice anyway.

Tony released me, wearing that silly, crooked smile and bellowed, "Meadow!"

I looked at the stairs above, expecting her to start running down any minute. But within a few seconds, she appeared from around the corner, scurrying towards us. That's when I began to wonder—how did she get down here so fast if she was supposedly upstairs in her room? Wait a minute… the girl had been listening to our entire conversation, right around that corner. Was she really that eager? So I had the advantage then. She was up to something. But what?

Tony didn't seem to notice anything, which didn't surprise me. He gazed at her with smug, fatherly pride. "Good news, Mead." She cocked her eyebrow and gave him that playful little smirk he loved. That smirk could get her pretty much anything she wanted. Meadow—Daddy's little princess.

Her eyes were firmly fixed on her father. Was she pretending to ignore me? Why would she? I thought she was supposed to be bouncing off the walls with enjoyment. Yea… she was definitely up to something.

"Silvio would love to teach you guitar."

And then her big, pretty eyes shifted to me. I kept my features in a neutral expression and looked her over, slowly and deliberately, trying to make her uncomfortable. For what reason, I didn't know. But she regarded me with an inquisitive expression. What the hell could she be thinking? With Meadow, it was nearly impossible to guess.

She was born as an adorable baby with huge doe eyes and an endearing smile. As a young child, she possessed the uncanny ability to persuade her parents to shower her with gifts and to forgive her misdeeds with gentle, and in my opinion, pathetic scolding. And then she became a brilliant, cunning student, mastering the art of careful manipulation. Presently, she was a beautiful young woman and a crafty adult. Even though she reminded me of my own daughter in some ways, Meadow was light years ahead. She was like her father, except even more daring and shrewd. He was wrapped around her clever little finger.

And that A.J.—he was a pussy. There was no other way to describe what him. He would never be the boss, would never even be able to join the mafia. He wouldn't survive an hour. The violence and pressure would make him crack and fly off the edge. But Meadow. Talk about a person teeming with potential! And Tony knew it. Perhaps that realization was one of many sources of his raging frustrations and unpleasant temperament.

And a beautiful young woman she had molded into! Meadow Soprano had certainly grown up…with her bronzed skin and gorgeous chocolate eyes that glinted gold in the sunlight. And her body…

God dam it! I wasn't even gonna go there.

But why in fuck's name did she have to be wearing such skimpy clothes? Those little shorts and tank top exposed perfectly silky tan skin, and those little white socks…

Our eyes had been locked for some time now, and she had to be wondering what was going on. I guess I had never looked at her like that before, with such obvious interest. But of course, she would never suspect what was truly racing through my mind. But then again, she wasn't stupid.

My blood ran cold as I fought the smirk creeping to my lips. She shivered. It was so slight, so discreet, that no one would ever catch it. Except for me.

Was she frightened of me? Had my incessant staring creeped her out? But I was her Uncle Silvio, one of her protectors. No matter what I desired, I would never hurt her or corrupt her. For one thing, her dad himself was a force to be reckoned with. Adult or no, she was his daughter. Daddy's little girl.

But what if she wasn't scared? What if…

"Thank you, Uncle Sil." Her response startled me like a bucket of ice cold water being poured on my head. Her voice. It was sugary-sweet, too sticky to be real. Her lip-glossed lips turned up in a smile that was cartoonishly huge for her small face.

So she was trying to cover up her nervousness, huh?

That kid never ceased to amaze me.

I dipped my shoulder and smiled slightly. "No problem, kid." No problem at all.

Thank God Tony stepped in at that precise moment, because the sexual tension that thickened the air was starting to make the room stuffy and my pants a tad uncomfortable.

"All right! Great!" he announced, pounding me on the back hard. I stifled the urge to glare at him. He grinned at me goofily. "When does she start?"

Okay, Sil, time for your boss-pleasing act. Pretend to think real hard.

Instead of answering Tony, I turned to Meadow. "Twice a week?" I asked.

She nodded quickly, without much thought or hesitation. So she _was _nervous after all. Okay, now what time… what time?

"Okay. How 'bout an hour long…Wednesday and Saturday?"

She suddenly coughed with what seemed like a dry throat. Yep. Definitely nervous. "That's great," she answered, rubbing her neck.

"Once o'clock okay?" I asked, studying her reaction. She nodded quickly. "Definitely."

I smiled then, tried to relieve her obvious tension. "All right."

At that, she visibly relaxed, seemed reassured.

I turned and looked at Tony, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. He just patted me on the back again. So he was in the happy, fatherly mood. That was good for me. I smirked inwardly, scolding myself for being so evil.

I extended my arms and stepped towards Meadow. She trembled slightly and then suddenly sank into my arms. I held her firmly, holding her back with my rough hands. I marveled at the softness of her skin there, trying not to stroke it. And her perfume—it was slight but made her smell like an angel. My head swooned as she settled against me.

Okay. That was enough.

I pulled back reluctantly.

The first thing I noticed was her heavy breathing and flushed cheeks. So I had won round one.

"See you tomorrow, kid," I rasped, trying to control the increasingly dangerous situation in my pants.

Her brown eyes were glazed over to my delight. Her lips formed a small, jumpy smile. "Okay Uncle Sil," her voice quivered.

She turned to Tony and kissed his cheek gently. He beamed at his little princess with pride.

"Bye sweetie." "Bye, Dad."

She turned her back without looking at me again and walked calmly to the stairs, disappearing from view.

I stared at the spot where she had vanished for some time.

It had begun.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Sopranos characters.

Summary: (Sequel to Through My Fingers) "Silvio." The look in her eyes frightened me. Swarming in those beautiful depths was the thing I had hid from my whole life. "We can go far away, far away from everything," she whispered. "We can have a new life. A better life."

* * *

The wire cut into my hands painfully, breaking the rough skin and causing blood to gush out and run down my arms. 

Fucking bastard.

Tony hadn't told me why I had to kill him.

"Just do it," he had said in that chilling voice of his, his eyes black and evil. I had nodded, staring right back at him with a deadly gaze of my own.

That's one thing you could never do. Ask questions.

This bastard was putting up a hell of a fight, that was for sure.

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the night was strangely silent with little moon to light the way. The unlucky guy was rummaging around in his open garage. The light wasn't on.

Stupid fuck. Only a real idiot would do something that stupid in the middle of night, knowing full well he had enemies. Well, it would only make my job easier.

My car was parked down the alley a ways, and I quietly hid behind a high pile of boxes and watched him. The man was digging around in the back of his trunk and was cursing quietly.

I pulled the wire out of my jacket pocket noiselessly and slowly crept forward. He was about 5'8" with a decent build and muscles visible beneath his shirt. It wasn't going to be that easy. But then again, I had the advantage of surprise.

Now or never.

I raised my hands and then violently forced the wire over his head and into his neck, pulling back with every ounce of strength I could muster. Spit was flying from his open mouth as his fists flew backwards, trying to hit me. I kneed him hard in the back, causing him to double over in pain.

The wire was fucking hurting my hands. My blood was starting to soak into my shirt. But it would be over soon.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally slumped forward, motionless. I dropped him, and he hit the ground hard.

Good riddance.

Silently tucking the wire back into my pocket, I turned around and saw that no one was there.

The open trunk caught my attention. There was a bunch of random junk scattered around, but the spare tire caught my eye. Covering my hands with the dry parts of my sleeves, I scooped handfuls of money out from the sides.

I shoved my find into my jacket, smiling.

I took one last look at the man I'd just strangled and sighed. His blood was seeping slowly out of the gash on his neck.

I was getting too old for this shit.

Walking out of the garage and down the alley towards my car, Meadow Soprano popped into my mind without warning. Her beautiful smile mocked me silently, her knowing eyes unnerved me. That little bitch. Fuck her.

I wasn't perfect. Her dad sure wasn't. I wondered if she knew her dad was a cold-blooded killer who had too many goomaras to name. I'm sure my own wife knew a lot about me, about the horrible things I'd done. My daughter probably didn't. But perhaps she suspected. It wouldn't be a surprise.

But why did it bother me so much that Meadow knew the truth about me? About her father?

I climbed into my car, slamming the door shut. Speeding out of the alley and onto the street, I tried to block her god damned face out of my mind. But she wouldn't go.

What type of animal was I? Someone as innocent and beautiful as her was dirtied by the repulsive things we did. Her house, her clothes, her things—were all obtained by crime, by horrible acts of violence and evil.

And what if she fell into the same trap as all the other mafia girls? She almost did with Jackie Aprile Jr. What if she _did_ end up becoming a mob wife, someone who would possibly be beaten and without a doubt cheated on?

The thought made me sick, made me want to puke all over the steering wheel. Everything I touched wilted under my fingers, rotted into nothing.

Meadow.

I could never let that happen to her. Ever.

I reached the Bada Bing to get rid of my clothes and clean my bloody hands.

When had everything turned to shit?

But Meadow—she was the light at the end of the tunnel, the reminder that there was something good left in this world. She was _hope_.

0o0o0o0o

Her guitar was truly amazing. It was a black and white Danelectro '50 Double-Cutaway, with a hollow body and an amazing full, ringing sound. To my great surprise, she hadn't picked something more expensive. She could have had anything she wanted. Something that cost thousands of dollars.

But she had picked this one. My heart swelled with pride. She had chosen well. I strummed her DR strings and whistled. "This is a real beauty." Stroking the smooth neck, I looked up at Meadow and smiled. She smiled back. "You picked out a good one."

"Thanks," she said.

I played a little more and noticed her listening intently. Suppressing the urge to chuckle, I decided to make a good first impression on her.

I continued playing as I spoke to her. "I'm gonna start by teaching you the basic notes." I looked up to be greeted by that famous little smirk. "Already know them," she countered.

She was good.

"Oh yea? Show me."

I gripped the guitar by the neck and extended it to her. She reached out and took it, her fingers brushing mine.

She shivered again.

Smirking inwardly, I pretended not to notice.

She played different notes, telling me what they were. I admit that I was impressed.

"Good. That's the hardest part. We can move ahead now."

She seemed pleased with this news.

Then she surprised me further by knowing basic scales and chords. This was going to be easier than I expected. I told her this.

"There's nothing more difficult than trying to explain something to a clueless person," I said, thinking of the retards I had to deal with at work.

Meadow giggled.

I glared at her, speaking to her harshly. "What are you laughin' for?"

Immediately, she looked away, fear settling in her body. "I—I—um…"

I grinned evilly, trying not to laugh again. "Just messing' with you, kid. Don't be so serious all the time."

The murderous look on her face amused me. She continued playing, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment.

I win again, Meadow.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Sopranos characters.

Summary: (Sequel to Through My Fingers) "Silvio." The look in her eyes frightened me. Swarming in those beautiful depths was the thing I had hid from my whole life. "We can go far away, far away from everything," she whispered. "We can have a new life. A better life."

* * *

Not only was I pleased with myself for being such a fine teacher, but I was also proud of my hard-working student. In only a few weeks, she had mastered more than I ever thought possible. But then again, that shouldn't have come as a surprise. She was Meadow Soprano. 

When she sang and played at the same time, I was in awe. "That's not hard for you?" I asked, trying to keep the shock out my voice. "No," she declared, smiling brightly.

"So you're a natural then. Good. It will help. And you have a good voice."

She was visibly touched. Did my opinion really matter that much to her?

"Thanks," she whispered, happiness sparkling in her eyes.

I ruffled her soft, sweet-smelling hair for a moment. And then we were quiet. Our eyes met, and both of us cherished the comfortable silence, understanding each other, blocking out the world. I had never felt such peace.

With her, I was young. I was whole again.

0o0o0o0o

The thunder shook the house, rattling the windows as heavy rain poured outside. Inside, it was warm and dry. Safe.

My goomara wrapped her arms around me from behind, pushing her soft body against me. Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed a gentle kiss against my neck.

"Do you want some cocoa?"

I nodded, watching the lightning light up the dark sky with a blue glow. Something was wrong with me. I wasn't angry or sad, but something wasn't right. My heart ached with loneliness, calling out for something more. Each strike of lightning sent a jolt through my body.

Meadow.

My throat felt tight as I held back the sudden urge to gasp. A surge of pain traveled straight from my heart up to my mouth.

"Here you go, Sil."

She pressed the warm mug against my hand. "Thanks," I whispered.

The chocolate drink was hot and sweet, warming my cold and shaking insides. I sat down on the edge of my bed, pulling her down to sit beside me. Holding her close with my arm, she tucked her head with its soft curls into the crook of my neck. She smelled sweet, like flowers and honey. But she didn't smell like Meadow.

I sat my mug down on the floor and buried my nose into her hair, inhaling her scent. She sighed quietly, stroking my thighs with her supple hands.

Tilting her chin up, I ravaged her lips with mine, sliding my mouth over hers with fury and heat, drinking her sweet taste. How I wished it was Meadow.

The thunder kept roaring as we tugged our clothes off hastily. I ripped her skirt and panties off cruelly, which set her eyes aflame. She was about to take her little white socks off when I stopped her.

"Don't," I whispered huskily, brushing her mouth with mine again. "Okay," she whispered, rubbing one of her delicate feet over the bulge in my pants. I groaned at the wrongness of it, but it aroused me more than anything had in years.

Suddenly, I fisted my hands in her hair, separating her curls into two sections. "Tie back your hair," I rasped, roughly kissing up her jawbone. Much to my delight, she didn't argue, and grabbed two hair ties from her lamp stand, putting her hair up into innocent little pigtails.

Like Meadow.

Sucking in a breath, I felt myself swell even more, if that was possible. Tugging my pants off, I picked her up and shoved her onto the bed, onto the cool sheets.

Burying myself into her, I almost finished right then. Our mouths met again, and I kissed her with overwhelming, passionate love—something I hadn't done in a long time. I released her and gazed at her half-closed eyes and red, swollen mouth.

She looked perversely innocent with those two pigtails.

Her liquid heat wrapped around me, squeezing me tightly. I wasn't going to last much longer.

I put my mouth next to her ear, gasping loudly. "Say—say my name." She moaned, licking her bruised lips, locking her legs around me tighter. "Oh, Sil—"

"No!" I groaned, slamming into her again. "Call—call me—Uncle Sil."

Thank God she question why.

"Uncle Sil," she whispered. "Please, please…"

And then my vision went black and my ears bulged hard as I spilled into her clenching body. "Uncle Sil," she moaned.

Her body undulated around mine, and I collapsed on top of her with my full weight, almost falling asleep right then. The overwhelming exhaustion seized my body as her soft little hands stroked my sweaty back.

"Wow," she whispered. "That was amazi—"

I silenced her with my trembling lips. "Sh…" I shushed her gently, as my pulse and breathing slowly began to return to normal.

"Sh…"

She relaxed under me as the thunder rumbled on, as the rain gently washed the grime away.

I rolled off and pulled her close to me, cradling her head gently against my chest, kissing her soft curls. She was already asleep.

"Meadow," I whispered, feeling so at peace, like there was nothing more to worry about as sleep began to take me.

Meadow.


	4. Chapter 4

She was blushing madly during the next lesson, much to my amusement and surprise. What had happened to make her seem both embarrassed and shy? And what had happened to being discreet? The persistent red state of her face was beginning to unnerve me.

To my great surprise, she was even starting to make mistakes, which was so unlike her. Perhaps she had strong feelings for me as well.

My goomara hadn't asked much about that night, to my relief. I didn't want to have to threaten her. If that bullshit I pulled somehow got back to Tony, he would try to kill me with his bare hands.

One time I asked her what was wrong. She just shook her head, refusing to answer and kept playing with mistakes. It was frustrating. She was better than that. I rubbed her shoulders gently, and she shivered again. But it was different this time. It definitely wasn't fear.

So she liked me.

It didn't matter. I wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.

And it saddened me. Why couldn't I have such a smart, beautiful, and innocent woman in my life?

And then I would have to remind myself that I was a monster, that I would corrupt her soul and drag her into hell with me.

0o0o0o0o

Eventually, the lessons stopped. Work and my obsession with Meadow were taking a toll on me. I couldn't be in the same room with her without my heart clenching in unbearable sadness.

The night before the last lesson, I wrapped my goomara in my arms, and she slept. I did not. I was haunted by Meadow's beautiful smile, by her soft laugh, and her gentle, angelic voice.

I eventually drifted off with a sorrow-filled heart and a soul that begged for happiness, for salvation.

For Meadow.

0o0o0o0o

I played a tune with conveyed everything I felt for her, the sadness, the love, the pain of not being able to touch her, hold her in my arms.

She was sad as well, barely able to disguise the moisture glistening in her beautiful eyes.

I didn't say a word to her. And for once, she was silent as well.

When I finished, I put her guitar in its black stand and turned to gaze upon her sweet, angelic face. Never in my life did I want someone as badly as her.

Instead of fear, she gazed at me with a look that spoke volumes about her maturity. She understood. Her heart was hurting, too.

My lips softly pressed against her warm cheek, lingering long enough for me to taste her skin.

That's enough, Silvio. It's been too long already.

I pulled back and looked at her expression, at her half-closed eyes which were wet with tears.

I had to get away. Before I did something stupid.

I walked to her door, gazing at her, trying to tell her how much I loved her. Her hollowed expression was harrowing, driving a stake into my heart.

Meadow.

I shut the door behind me, leaned up against it, and sank to the floor as my insides turned to ice and chilling tears began to fall.

I love you.


	5. Chapter 5

"She's a fucking snitch," Tony seethed, his eyes blazing with cold fury. I hadn't seen him that angry in a long time.

"God—fucking—DAMN IT!" he bellowed, picking up a chair and smashing it against the floor.

I remained silent, looking away from his violent explosion of anger, my head swarming.

She would be killed.

She would be dead.

Finally, he collapsed onto the floor, burying his face into his hands.

"Sil," he whispered, hiding his face away from me. "Take care of her."

My blood ran cold. My bones froze.

"All right, Ton."

He told me what was going to happen, how we would trap her.

And then his eyes met mine. "Make it a quick one."

I nodded numbly, twisting my mouth into a grimace of hatred as the icy cold gripped my throat.

Tony was visibly upset. Perhaps he did care for her after all.

"We're going to bury her."

I nodded. I couldn't force any words out.

I turned around, leaving him behind, walking out of my office, walking past the strippers. Gripping the door knob, I flung it open, and the blinding light of the high afternoon sun flooded my eyes. The heat scalded my face for a moment, warmed my frigid soul.

But then my eyes adjusted. And then I was cold.

I got into my car, to do the deed that had to be done.

It was work.

It was my job.

0o0o0o0o

The poor girl was crying; her makeup was beginning to leak down her pretty face.

She loved Christopher so much.

Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm myself down, tried to keep the façade up.

I'm concerned. I'm caring. I'm taking the girl to Chrissie. Everything is going to be okay.

The woods came into view, the leaves so beautiful with their vibrant colors, shining in the sun's warm light.

Her pretty face was buried into her bronze hands, shielding her eyes from the truth, just as she had done her whole life. Her fucking ignorance had led her to this horrible fate. If she hadn't been involved with such a fucking idiot—one who didn't appreciate her, didn't love her. One who beat her.

My hands clenched the steering wheel, recalling all the times I'd seen her face bruised up. Swollen. Because of that fucking junkie.

And never once did she stop loving him.

The light reflected off the windshield, casting shadows in the car.

And then she realized what was happening.

"No," she whispered. "No."

I scrambled out of my seat, slamming the door shut.

No.

She was crawling to the driver's seat, crawling like a scared and desperate animal. Rage suddenly boiled up inside of me. What the fuck was wrong with this world? Why did God punish those who were beautiful and pure?

I hissed at her, obscenities spilling out of my mouth, dripping with evil.

I was evil.

Grabbing her waist, her legs, I dragged her out of the car, shoving her to the leaf-covered ground.

"NO!" she screamed. "NO!"

I was rotten.

She crawled away from me frantically, sobbing. Walking after her, with my gun raised, I knew I was going to Hell.

I was a killer.

My finger pulled the trigger, the noise of the shot resounding into the calm air of a pleasant, beautiful afternoon. The blood soaked into the back of her clothing, staining the beautiful fabric.

I looked up at the sun through the high branches, the rays gently kissing my shaking face. I couldn't feel the warmth.

I was dead.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm SO sorry for the delay, but here it is. One more chapter to go. I'll post it very soon after this one. Thanks for sticking with my story.

* * *

I turned the ignition, and my car roared to life.

Meadow was devastated, and Tony didn't hear from her for a week straight.

I pushed the gas pedal, trying to force away the wave of nausea that had overcome me.

What type of monster was I? How could I bear to meet her eyes after what I had done? After I had destroyed a girl just like her?

But the voice inside of my head tried to console me, tried to reason. What if Adriana had told the Feds everything? All of us would have gone to jail, especially her father. And she'd be alone without anything. Yes, it had to be done, no matter how gruesome it was. She would have destroyed us all. Just like Big Pussy. My friend.

Fucking snitches.

Tony's monstrous house came into view trough the trees, and I pulled into the driveway.

I got out of the car, made my way to the front door, knocked on the sturdy wood.

"Sil! Come in!"

0o0o0o0o

Her door loomed ahead of me as the fear returned and settled in my body. What would I say to her?

And then I opened it.

Her eyes widened in shock as her hand gripped a pick and began the downward motion towards her guitar strings.

Sweet music filled the air as she began to sing. It was about Christopher and Adriana. I knew.

"She slipped through my fingers. She slipped through my hands. And now I'm alone. Alone."

I was frozen in her doorway, frozen in fear and sadness.

"And when I think about her, I break down and cry. Cause I loved her, and I'm dying inside."

Her eyes began to swell with tears.

"My angel loved me, and I tore her down. My angel is lying in the ground."

I killed her.

"And now there's nothing. There's nothing left. I'm alone. There's nobody left."

I'm nobody. I'm nobody.

"Cause she slipped through my fingers. She slipped through my hands. We loved each other. And now she's dead."

Dead. It hit me like a train. What I'd done. She's dead. She's never coming back.

And Meadow knew.

Her voice cracked, the tears began to fall, just like Adriana's had.

"So I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. Alone."

Her guitar began to fall from her trembling fingers, but I caught it in time, propping it against her bed.

I wrapped her in my arms, squeezing hard with desperation, her sweet smell wafting up to my nose. She cried hard into my shoulder, and I felt her warm tears soak through my shirt.

"Meadow," I whispered, stroking her hair.

"S—she—she's dead…"

"Yes," I whispered, before I could stop myself. Wait a minute. I couldn't tell her this. I had to shut up.

I rubbed her back.

"He killed her."

Yes, honey. Christopher helped kill her. But he didn't actually do it.

I did.

"My dad didn't do it, did he?"

Tony face flashed in front of me, the cold, killing look in his black eyes. "Sil," he had said. "Take care of her."

"No," I answered. She couldn't know that stuff. I couldn't tell her.

Her body froze in my arm, stiffened like a board. Please don't ask Meadow. Please don't ask me what I know you're thinking. Please…

"It's not fair."

I released the breath I had been holding in. "But she knew. She knew her fate." I remembered the look of horror on Adriana's face as we drove into the woods. She realized what she'd done.

"He loved her," she whispered painfully.

"Yes."

Yes. He did.

And he killed her.

She looked up at me suddenly, and I gazed into her large, innocent brown eyes, realizing how much I'd missed her.

We could never be together. I was a cold-blooded killer, a murderer. Even though I knew I would never, ever hurt her, I knew it was too late for me. I was too far gone.

"Silvio."

The look in her eyes frightened me. Swarming in those beautiful depths was the thing I had hid from my whole life.

Love.

Please don't say anything. Just keep your fucking mouth shut!

"Let's leave."

I froze. No.

"We can go far away, far away from everything. We can have a new life. A better life."

I stared down at my feet.

"You would just leave your family?" I asked. "Forget them forever?"

Meadow was silent.

"Meadow…once you join the business, you can never leave. That's the way it's been. And will always be."

Once you join the business, you buy your one-way ticket to Hell.

And then she kissed me.

She tasted as sweet and wonderful as I always imagined she would. But then I pulled away.

"I have a wife. I have a daughter. And I love them very much. And I care about you. I don't want you to be hurt. So push me to the back of your mind. Never think of me again. I will only hurt you."

Her bottom lip trembled, and I realized that she knew exactly who I was. What I was. She knew the truth.

"I'm sorry."

I'm sorry, sweetie.

I stood up and kissed her cheek. "Tony is waiting for me. I told him we were talking about your song for Chris and Kelly's wedding."

She nodded slightly.

I stood in her doorway to say goodbye, one more time. One last time.

"My chance slipped through my fingers. Long ago."

She started to cry, the tears pouring down her face in rivers.

"Goodbye, Meadow."

She sobbed loudly, her pretty face twisted into a mask of horror. And pain.

I can't be with you. I'll kill you.

"Goodbye," she whispered.

I never spoke to her again.


	7. Chapter 7

The final chapter...

* * *

Patsy was chatting about god knows what beside me as he started the engine up. I looked at the sky through the car, staring into the depths of the cool blue. Another car was pulling into the parking lot, driving right towards us.

Wait a minute. Something wasn't right. I could feel a chill creeping up my neck, giving me a silent warning.

But it was too late. Suddenly, shots were being fired towards us.

Shit.

I turned around to the back seat, groping for my gun in horror. Why didn't I have it on me? And that's when I felt the pain in my shoulder. And then my chest.

No.

They got me.

They killed me.

And then I sank into the blackness.

0o0o0o0o

Suddenly, I was yanked out of the darkness, and my head bobbed softly at the surface as I heard the voice of an angel.

"Silvio."

My heart stopped. It was her.

She reached down in the icy depths and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the dark, churning waters. And then I breathed. I took a gulp of sweet air that filled my lungs and restored my body.

The cool blue sky I had seen before falling into darkness stretched above, endlessly. The sun was shining down on me once again.

This was Heaven.

Meadow.

I turned to her, and she stood there, staring at me, filling the cracks in my soul, repairing the void in my heart.

She walked towards me. Her hand reached out and stroked my cheek lovingly.

And then she began to sing her haunting song.

"Cause she slipped through my fingers. She slipped through my hands. We loved each other. And now she's dead."

I cupped her face gently in my hands.

Can't you see? I'm not dead, Meadow. Not anymore.

Because you're here with me.

Let's leave.

Let's go far away. We can have a new life. A better life.

So why was she crying?

"So I am alone."

Overhead, the clear blue sky began to fill with swirling gray clouds.

No. Don't leave me.

"I am alone."

And then the force began to yank at my feet again, pulling me away from her. Her face slipped through my hands.

"I am alone."

"NO!!!!!" I cried, kicking my feet, the tears of anguish bursting out of me with great sobs. "MEADOW!"

"Alone."

And then I fell into the black waters again. And I was alone.

So this was Hell. It wasn't much different than life.

Because I had lost her. My Meadow.

My head hit the bottom.

"I love you."

And then I fell asleep forever.

* * *

Thank you so much to those who stuck with me through my first fanfiction series. It's been really fun to write. Look for more Sopranos fics in the future as more inspiration comes. 


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